Friday, October 30, 2015

Cold - but Warm

Cold but Warm
Every day this week
recording vocals 
in a studio
with no heat
in Siberia
snow falling outside
and I
am 7 hours
trying to get the emotions right
with my coat and hat on
winter boots
hands in my pockets
to keep them warm

The only control I had
was to sing those lines again
all the time imagining
heat surrounding me
forest in summer
deep green leaves
warmth of emotion
when my voice 
is cold
as 
ice

oh, but believing
that the reality in the words I sing
is not in what my eyes see
what my fingers feel
or my numb toes
this cold room around me

or even whether my hat has slipped
under the headphones
but just
this

You in me
enabling me to respond
enabling me to sing
enabling me to choose to see
in all this
in everything
You

and
You 
in me.


Linking up with Velvet Ashes at The Grove where the theme this week is "Control"


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Monday, October 26, 2015

Where Am I in This? - Mark 3:20-30 Post 3

picture at Observation Tower at Clingman's Dome: "Where am I in this? - Mark 3:20-30) brokenbreadandsmallfish.com
Where am I in this?
(Mark 3:20-21). 


Am I...
part of the crowd?
(Mark 3:20)

Following You wherever You go, even to this house, here to see You, longing for a touch from You, hoping to be healed by You, eager to hear what You might say, pressing in to touch You, crowding You because I know I need You?


Am I...
with Your family?(Mark 3:21)
somewhere - distant, not near You - where I  just hear about what you're doing rather than seeing with my own eyes -  not helping, not even coming to talk to You in order to try to find out what's going on, to try to understand You and what You are doing; but deciding that I know better, thinking I had best take charge of You and what You're doing because CLEARLY You don't know what You're doing.  You've lost Your mind. You're getting out of hand, or at the very least You've let things get out of hand, and I must do something.


Or
am I...

with the disciples?(Mark 3:20)
Not fully understanding what You're doing, maybe, a little confused and bewildered - and hungry - but following, helping You with the crowd, sticking with You, going hungry with You since that's what You're doing - right there in the midst of what You're doing - whatever it means...
 

Even if it looks crazy.
Even if it means I'm hungry.
Even if I'm disappointed, if my expectations aren't fulfilled.  Even if it means being sent to the desert.  
Even if it means lonely places
Even if it means walking away from my booth
Even if it means eating with sinners and tax collectors.  
Even if they tear my roof, even if I miss meals, even if they say I'm out of my mind, even if they say I'm possessed, even if it means betrayal
even if it means...


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Friday, October 23, 2015

Past

picture of Storm Coming - Isbushka in Novosibirsk - "Past" (poem) brokenbreadandsmallfish.com
Novosibirsk, Russia
Past
    Eden
    garden
    innocence
    wholeness
    together
    You

Past
    fruit
    forbidden
    tempting
    sweet
    bitter
    desolation
    thorns
    desert
    emptiness
    separation

Past
    darkness
    hill
    cross
    pain
    death
    Separation

Past
    Death
    defeated
    
    Stone
    moved

    Veil
    torn..

    a way back

to You. 

Present
    path
    way in the wilderness 
    streams in the desert
    whispers of You

You
    on the air
    in the wind
    on our tongues
    on our lips

    our eyes...still waiting

waiting 
for You. 

One day
    this will be past, too. 

All our future is You.



Linking up with Velvet Ashes at The Grove where the theme this week is "Past"


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Monday, October 19, 2015

Out of Your Mind? - Mark 3:20-30 Post 2

Your family (wherever they are, whoever it includes) heard about this...(Mark 3:21)

...was it the large crowd following You around (Mark 3:20)...or the fact that You were teaching and healing and casting out demons (Mark 3:22, Mark 3:7-11)...or was it the part about not being able to eat (Mark 3:20)...that prompted them to say You had lost Your mind and to set out to take charge of You (Mark 3:21)?  

Maybe they're concerned for the family reputation.
Maybe they're concerned for Your reputation. 
Maybe they think You're out of Your mind for having such a ministry at all.
Maybe they just want You to give up Your crazy ministry and come home and be "normal."  

Maybe they just wanted to see to it that You ate. 
Was saying You were crazy a response to You not taking care of Yourself as they thought You should?  You were dealing with crowds of people all day, wearing Yourself out, not eating.  

I can easily picture a mom swooping in and taking charge, saying "We've got to make sure he eats."  I would with my own children.  And while I'm taking charge (care) of my children my mom would sweep in and take charge (care) of me. 

Maybe Mary just wanted You to come home for dinner.

It would be hard to blame them for wanting You to be a normal member of the family, to be around, to be at the dinner table. 

Except You weren't a normal member of the family.   From the very beginning nothing about You was "normal."

I feel sorry for them.  

I feel sorry for them because maybe what they wanted was normal.  
And I feel sorry for them because even so, it still seems to be evidence that they don't "get" You.  Family or not.  

Because, what a thing for them to say, that You, Jesus, are out of Your mind! 
Who are these people?
Your own family members - who should have known You - but were somehow missing You...

All these years with You - do they not know about Your compassion for people?

Your love for people?

Did Your mother not remember those things that she had treasured in her heart? (Luke 2:19) (Luke 2:51)

Did she forget the angel Gabriel appeared to her?  Did she forget his words that God would give You the throne of David and Your kingdom would never end?  Did she forget that Gabriel referred to You as the holy one?  That he said You would be called the Son of God? (Luke 1:26-38)

Did they forget Elizabeth and John?(Luke 1,3)
The shepherds? (Luke 2:8-20)
Simeon in the temple? (Luke 2:25-35)
Anna? (Luke 2:36-38)
The sword that would pierce Mary's heart? (Luke 2:35)

Did they forget Joseph's dream (Matt. 1:20-21) and that You were from the beginning meant to save Your people from their sins? 

Did they forget the Magi who came looking for the King and found him when they found You? (Matt. 2:1-12).

Surely if they don't understand the part about You being the Son of God and saving the world, surely they understood the King part  - even if not completely.

But they are coming to take charge of You - so it seems they don't get that either. (Can one take charge of a King?)

And I wonder how people so close to You could miss You so completely. 

But then I remember how much more I know and understand about You than they did at that time...
How much more there is for me to remember...
and how much still I forget...
how often I fail to understand...
How hard it is when I have certain expectations about the way things should be - the way I think they should be - the way I want them to be - and You just aren't doing things that way.

Your ways are not our ways.  And even those closest to You still sometimes have a hard time understanding You.

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Friday, October 16, 2015

Am I - Authentic?

 Authentic - Girl with face painted like cat. Am I - Authentic? - brokenbreadandsmallfish.com
Authentic

real 
not imaginary
authoritative
trustworthy
worthy of acceptance or belief


not fake, false or imitation
genuine
of undisputed origin
not a copy
what it claims to be

And I
am I?
what I claim to be? 

But
I am a mix
of real and fake
marbled
a little forgery
blended
with authenticity
they war, they strive
inside of me

the original
tainted
parts true, 
parts false
once genuine
since remade 
til only the author - the artist
knows what remains...
what is authentic
and what is not.


only You 
know the real parts of me. 
only You 
know 
what's real in me.

Because only You 
are all You claim to be

real 
not imaginary
authoritative
trustworthy
worthy of acceptance or belief


not fake, false or imitation
genuine
of undisputed origin
not a copy
what You claim to be

All that is authentic and real 
in this world
all that is as it should be
is You.

I hide in You.  
and there I become real
what I should be
What You claim I am...
in You.

And I know
One day
in You
I'll be fully authentic, too.

all that is real in me
is You.
 

Linking up with Velvet Ashes at The Grove where the theme this week is "Authenticity"


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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Warning

Watch For Snakes sign, "Warning" (poem) brokenbreadandsmallfish.com
Warning...

an alarm signal
summons
admonition

we get too close
and the warning bells go off

or
a sign cautions:
wet floor
or detour

don't touch
don't get too close
don't go the way you intended

protecting...

me?
or something else
from me? 

Or...
Both.

"Don't feed the bears"
protect them from me
and me from them


warning...
a summons
calling to better things
and - or
calling for help





a policeman
or 
a fireman to a fire
to sacrifice himself.

warning.
Because when I move across those danger lines
I am affected
and I am not the only one affected.

repercussions
consequences
wave on wave
spreading out
like ripples on the water

who knows how far it goes?
how deep into my heart?
how far through time, places, people...
where it ends? 

only You

see that far
and that deep

only You

and I may not understand the warning
want to laugh at it
wave it off
but
stop.

Oh -
the fruit looks good
smells good
hangs there so innocently
nothing wrong with it

and maybe it IS good
(for something)(if used as intended)(if used as instructed)
maybe it WAS
(You created it, too)
But NOT FOR ME.

     (Men at work - it is good for them to be in the manhole, working -
     not good for me to fall into it. )

The Repercussions
move through the ages
Watch for Snakes sign.  "Warning" poem. brokenbreadandsmallfish.com
Warning! Please: Watch for Snakes
the wages
touching us even now
redeemed
but still leaving marks
scars
on my heart
and Yours

into eternity.


Linking up with Velvet Ashes at The Grove where the theme this week is "Warning"


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