Calling them to You
not all
but
the ones You wanted
for this job
for THIS task
appointing them
that they might be with You...(Mark 3:14)
and I
am jealous.
I don't want their status.
I don't want their task.
(I'm happy with my own calling).
It's the "be with You" part...
I want to be with You, too.
~
And I somehow feel sorry for the others, jealous for them...and for myself.
I know I'm wrong, in spite of that feeling surging up inside me.
I know I need to tell myself truth.
Like:
The others who wanted to be with You still had access to You, it would seem much of the time. (Mark 4:10)
and
If they were sometimes excluded, like when the man You had healed of demons asked to go with You and You told him to go home to his family... (Mark 5:18-20)
well - sometimes some of the "chosen" Twelve were also excluded, like when only Peter, James, and John went with You to Jairus's house (Mark 5:37)
and when that happened it was always for a purpose.
But most important is something You already knew then - something I know today...
that very soon You would make possible unlimited access to You for all who want it (Eph. 3:12).
And You needed the apostles to fulfill a certain role so I could know it.
Because You - and they - fulfilled Your purposes, I can be with You as much as I want.
If I am not as close to You as I would like to be - I can't blame it on some else being "chosen".
I can be closer to You now than Peter, James, and John or any of the Twelve or other disciples were able to be before Your death and resurrection...and as close to You as they were able to be after Your death and resurrection.
You are always available to me. You are always with me.
so
I am always with You.
I can be as close to You as as I am willing to be.
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