This apparatus, this mechanism I have set up to provide for my own dubious security - can I walk away from it? Knowing that my fall will be long and hard if You don't catch me?
You're walking beside the lake, calling to my heart. You see who, what, and WHERE I am, and I know I'm not worthy of Your notice, but still You pause before me...an instant? ...an eternity?
And You say, "Follow me..."
And I followed; I followed; I did. I'm following still. Not perfectly, sometimes reluctantly, longing for You, longing for what's coming - always closer, but never quite there...
knowing that One Day, One Day...
Yes. I've left everything behind. Or what I thought was everything at the time. Walked away from it all to follow You.
So...why does it seem like I am still sitting here?
I followed You - but somewhere along the way built myself another booth, a different one, but for the same purpose.
(Or maybe I never walked away entirely?)
And You are asking me, telling me, calling me - again - "Follow me."
How many times will I find I've returned to my booth, built myself new walls of false security hoping to provide some illusion of safety in a new situation?
How many times will You have to say to me again, "Follow me"?
How many times will I leave my "booth" and follow You before I realize that I finally really have?
Can I walk away from my booth?
But if I don't...
can I walk away from You?
It's You or the booth.
And I must get up like Levi (Mark 2:13-14), leaving it all behind
Again.
I don't fully understand what happened, - how I ended up here again,
But if You have had to call me
again
to follow
I will get up
again
and run after You.
Have you ever found yourself falling back on old safety nets or building new ones? Realized that Jesus is calling you to follow when you thought you already had?
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Something I've had to walk away from (AGAIN) this week is the idea that I can - and must - somehow provide for, plan, control and orchestrate things in my kids' lives and education so that they are fully prepared for any eventuality (any path) in their adult future. I've got to let it go and follow. Not that I shouldn't plan at all...but even my planning should be a sort of "following" - part of following - and not an attempt to make things work out the way I think is best. I end up trying to cover too many bases, and it'll likely turn out they weren't the ones that needed covering anyway.
ReplyDeleteI can't guarantee a perfect life for them or myself with my schemes and plans. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Or today. I need to just walk away from my "booth" that I've rebuilt once again, and follow -
and let them be free to follow how He leads in their lives, rather than be hemmed in by my fears....