Broken bread and small fish: I Am Not the Hero in This Story

I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to be the one who carried - tearing through barriers for my friends. To be the one others depended on.

In this story, I had hoped it would be me - carrying, lifting, delivering to Your feet.

But it isn't.

Paralyzed. Quite an obstacle between me - and what I wanted to be.

And they carry me to You. Me. The one who should be carrying - who should have had it all together - who could always tough it out...

Oh, I remember how it was.
Before I fell.
Before...

Or do I?
Do I...remember?

How long have I been fooling myself?
Have I always been the one who couldn't move?
Have I always been unable to do something for myself?
Unable myself to come to You?

I wanted to be the hero -
but there is only one hero in this story - and it has never been me. It was never me.

And when they have brought me before You
(Did I ask them to? Or was I even able to do that?)
when it is me this time - ME
(have I not brought others here myself?)
When it is ME who is paralyzed

I realize
I never could move
without You.
It was all an illusion - a misplaced dream of mine

I could carry others here -
But I COULD NEVER MAKE THEM MOVE,
never free them from their paralysis, never heal them,
never command them to get up and watch them do it
because I could never give them the ability to do it
anymore that I can do it now for myself.

I need your help.

It's an unexpected blessing...
To see their love
To see Yours
To see - and be healed by -
You.

I am not the hero in this story -
but it's okay -
I don't have to be.
YOU ARE
And I can be me.
Sometimes carried,
sometimes carrying.
Always one that You have set free.

**
I wanted to be strong
But the story of my weakness
will be told to everyone
through the ages.

How I couldn't move
How they brought me to You
How You spoke
And I got up
and went home.

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