In this story, I had hoped it would be me - carrying, lifting, delivering to Your feet.
But it isn't.
Paralyzed. Quite an obstacle between me - and what I wanted to be.
And they carry me to You. Me. The one who should be carrying - who should have had it all together - who could always tough it out...
Oh, I remember how it was.
Before I fell.
Before...
Or do I?
Do I...remember?
How long have I been fooling myself?
Have I always been the one who couldn't move?
Have I always been unable to do something for myself?
Unable myself to come to You?
I wanted to be the hero -
but there is only one hero in this story - and it has never been me. It was never me.
And when they have brought me before You
(Did I ask them to? Or was I even able to do that?)
when it is me this time - ME
(have I not brought others here myself?)
When it is ME who is paralyzed
I realize
I never could move
without You.
It was all an illusion - a misplaced dream of mine
I could carry others here -
But I COULD NEVER MAKE THEM MOVE,
never free them from their paralysis, never heal them,
never command them to get up and watch them do it
because I could never give them the ability to do it
anymore that I can do it now for myself.
I need your help.
It's an unexpected blessing...
To see their love
To see Yours
To see - and be healed by -
You.
I am not the hero in this story -
but it's okay -
I don't have to be.
YOU ARE
And I can be me.
Sometimes carried,
sometimes carrying.
Always one that You have set free.
**
I wanted to be strong
But the story of my weakness
will be told to everyone
through the ages.
How I couldn't move
How they brought me to You
How You spoke
And I got up
and went home.
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