Broken bread and small fish: Am I Content to Stay the Way I Am?

I wondered last time if the paralyzed man was disappointed when You forgave his sins but had not yet healed him (Mark 2:5). Would he have been satisfied if the story ended with "Your sins are forgiven"? Would I have been satisfied?

One one hand, I hope I would have been. I hope that just seeing You, being near You, and hearing those words would have meant so much that it
would have been enough.

I think it should be enough.

Sort of.

Well, maybe I don't really think that.

Because...I think I'm supposed to want more.

I know I'm not what I should be. I know I'm fallen. I fall short of what I was meant to be. I'm not whole - spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally.

Am I content to stay this way?

Or am I supposed to want to be made whole?

I'm supposed to want to be what I was made to be...
and if I was satisfied to stay the way I am - paralyzed - unable to move like I should - unable to move toward You -
FOREVER

Something would be wrong.

I know I need to be made whole.
And I know You are the one - the only One - who can speak and make it so.
If I'm not longing, hoping, entreating You to make me whole again, if I'm content with the way I am, happy to be forgiven but remain "paralyzed" - then something's wrong.

You weren't satisfied to end the story that way. You don't end it that way. That's just the beginning. It starts with "Son (daughter), your sins are forgiven" - it HAS to start there -
But it ends with "Get up, take your mat, and go home."

You WANT me to be whole. It's not just what I want, it's what You want...

...and in my initial disappointment, if I just wait I will see that the thing I NEED is also the key to opening all my dreams.

I will not be stuck here like this forever, stuck in this moment between "Your sins are forgiven" and "Get up". You will say the word, and I will rise up from here. (How could I not, if You command it?)

If I let You do this Your way (as if I could let You do anything!) - You will heal me. Maybe not when I want - maybe not until the end - and certainly not completely until then.

So I wait. I don't know how long this moment between will last. But I wait in expectation - I wait in confidence - because I know how it ends (Luke 23:43). You WILL say, "Get up, take your mat, and go home."

And I will. (Mark 2:11-12).

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